VALERIE EDWARDS

The beloved contemplative practitioner and teacher, Rabbi Shefa Gold, often refers to herself and her work as inter-spiritual. In her book “Torah Journeys”, she describes her spiritual journey this way:

“Judaism existed as the background to my spiritual search as I delved into the philosophies and practices of Sufism, Buddhism, Mystical Christianity, Native American Religion, Astrology, Tarot, the I Ching, Taoism, Yoga and various schools of Shamanism. I wasn’t merely a dabbler. I surrendered to the transformative force that moved through each practice. I sought out teachers, studied the ancient texts, engaged in the process of retreat, and listened to the voice of Truth as it was filtered through different languages and cultures.”

Rabbi Gold's evocative description perfectly reflects my own experience.

 

I have been a spiritual seeker since childhood. As a 9-year-old sensing an ineffable presence in the fragrant woods of northern New Jersey, or in the crashing ocean waves along the Jersey shore, I didn’t have the vocabulary to express what I was feeling. All I knew was that I felt a deep longing for something unseen and unknown, and that it was pulling me insistently towards itself.

I am the daughter of a Jewish father and a Christian mother. I was born in New York City in 1954 and grew up in Lake Hiawatha, New Jersey in the 1960s. My paternal great-grandfather, Isaac Jedwabinski, immigrated to New York in 1892 from the Polish shtetl of Szczuczyn, followed in 1897 by my great-grandmother Esther Januszewska and my then-2-year-old grandfather, Nathan. Isaac and Esther kept a kosher home on New York’s lower east side. In 1916, Nathan married my grandmother, Rae Rosenblatt, who also came from an Orthodox Jewish immigrant background, and then they moved from New York to Newark, New Jersey, and later to Lake Hiawatha, New Jersey. Rae and Nat kept a Jewish home, but they were less observant than their parents had been. Nevertheless, their son Sherman, my father, did have some Jewish education growing up and presumably made his Bar Mitzvah. 

My maternal great-grandfather, Etienne Secretan, was born in 1865 in Lausanne, Switzerland, into a family with a long ecclesiastical history in the Reform Church of Vaud. The son of a minister, Etienne followed in his father’s footsteps and became minister of the Churches of Zurich and Geneva. His son Luc, my grandfather, married my grandmother, Ilse Westphal, in 1925, in Geneva, where they lived until they immigrated to the United States in 1928. 

Ilse’s parents, Anna Ihnken and Franz Westphal, belonged to the Lutheran evangelical Church in Germany. But sometime after 1916, Anna broke away from both her husband and the church, and, taking her young children Ilse and Carl with her, joined the Mazdaznan cult founded by Erich Otto Haenisch and took up residence at its Aryana commune in Herrliberg, Switzerland. Mazdaznan followers adhered to a vegetarian diet, practiced breathing, meditation and tantric exercises, raised organic vegetables, and embraced a mixture of Zoroastrian, Hindu and Christian religions. 

By 1926 the Mazdaznan cult had gained a large following in Los Angeles, so Anna and Carl left for California. Luc and Ilse, along with their 3-year-old daughter Ingrid (my mother), followed in 1928, and they continued their practice of Mazdaznanism in America.

Both my parents discarded almost all of their religious practices as soon as they grew up and left their childhood homes. When they got married in 1950, their wedding was officiated by the New York Society of Ethical Culture, “a non-theistic, Humanistic community dedicated to ethical relationships, social justice and democracy”, which I think illustrates their secular frame of mind at the time.

Even so, while I was growing up there were still traces of Judaism and Christianity in our home. My mother continued to put up a Christmas tree every year, and we would decorate it with her dazzling collection of unique, artistic ornaments and colored lights. I loved the ritual of Christmas. Part of my enjoyment was because I sensed that Christmas was an important touchstone for my mother. She seemed to take deep pleasure in decorating the tree, unpacking and displaying her heirloom crèche (nativity scene), and setting out Pfeffernüsse and Anisbredele cookies. To me it was deep and beautiful and mysterious, as it seemed to hold hidden meanings beyond my understanding. At night I would lie on the floor underneath the tree, and as I gazed up through its magical glowing branches and absorbed its evergreen fragrance, I would be transported into a time apart, a powerful place of silence and power and glory.    

Meanwhile, my father continued to celebrate Passover. Every year my aunts, uncles and cousins would drive in from Yonkers and we would have our Passover Seder together in my Grandmother Rae’s living room. Uncle Phil, a high school history teacher, would spin vivid tales about our ancestors’ lives in Egypt. As he narrated the Maggid, I could feel the taskmaster’s lash on my back and the sticky mud of the brick-pits. I was enthralled as Uncle Phil conjured up locusts, fiery hailstones and the terror of the Angel of death passing over us. It wasn’t until the delicious smells of roast chicken and potatoes wafted up from the table and everybody started eating and talking that the spell was broken and I was back in my Grandmother’s living room again. These childhood Passover experiences left an irresistible trail of mystical breadcrumbs that eventually guided me back to Judaism. 

In 1971, I left home to go to college in Boston. All through the 1970s I took advantage of every esoteric, mystical and occult opportunity that arose. I am particularly indebted to womanist mystic Pamela Borg for her Goddess Circles in Cambridge, MA, which introduced me to the concept of the Divine Feminine. I continued my exploration of the Divine Feminine by dancing and drumming at Goddess retreats in the Berkshire Mountains, studying Tarot, burning sage for purification, and performing energy rituals with rocks, gems and crystals. Then I explored Shamanism, delving into Carlos Castaneda’s techniques of ‘active dreaming’ and psycho-transformation. I experimented with various forms of bodywork, including acupressure, acupuncture, chakra cleansing and aqua retreat sensory deprivation pods. I wrote poetry, drew cartoons and painted pictures as healing exercises. Of course some of my adventures were much more light-hearted, such as the time I decided to cleanse my aura by streaking nude in the rain across the North Dartmouth Music Festival campus.

During the 1980s, following in the footsteps of my mother’s ancestors, I immersed myself in Christian mysticism. I was particularly influenced by author Alan Watts and his book "Myth and Ritual in Christianity". I read, explored, questioned and studied with clergy and lay-practitioners while attending a wide variety of church services across the denominational spectrum. I found that the rituals of Roman Catholicism resonated most powerfully with me, so I maintained a deep practice of Catholicism for years. More recently, I have been most influenced by the writings and teachings of Fr. Richard Rohr and The Center for Action and Contemplation. Other writers and teachers with whom I have studied and who have been most important in the evolution of my thinking and spiritual development have been theologian Brian McLaren, Rev. Cynthia Bourgeault and Pastor Nadia Bolz-Weber. Other important sources of guidance and learning for me have been spirit whisperer Dr. Naomi Chao, the faith community network Contemplative Outreach, which is built around the teachings of Fr. Thomas Keating. and the multifaith, interspiritual Spirituality and Practice.

In the late 1990s I turned in the direction of my father’s ancestors and began to explore Judaism. I started with a Judaism 101 class, then learned to read Hebrew and chant Torah, and then made my Bat Mitzvah with the Adult B’nai Mitzvah class of 2009 at Shomrei Torah Synagogue in West Hills, CA. I delved deeply into the study and practice of Mussar, the traditional Jewish path of spiritual and ethical development, with Rabbi Richard Camras. Over the years, I have attended classes, retreats, workshops and meditation sits with many notable Jewish contemplative teachers who have deeply shaped my spiritual development. I have been most influenced by Rabbi Shefa Gold, Rabbi Marc Margolius, Rabbi Yael Levy, Rabbi Dr. James Jacobson-Maisels, Rabbi Robin Damsky, Rabbi Rami Shapiro, Kohenet Keshira haLev Fife, artist and teacher Revital Somekh-Goldreich, Rabbi Dr. Erin Leib Smokler and Rabbi Sam Feinsmith. Organizations that provide wonderful ongoing Jewish spiritual education and support for me are The Institute for Jewish Spirituality, A Way In, Or HaLev and Kohenet.

 

Since 2023, I have been exploring Buddhism and Buddhist meditation practices, and have been attending the dharma talks of Tara Brach.

 

"Is it really our desire to build a monolithic society; one party, one view, one leader, and no opposition? Is religious uniformity desirable or even possible?... Does not the task of preparing the Kingdom of God require a diversity of talents, a variety of rituals, soul-searching as well as opposition? Perhaps it is the will of God that in this eon there should be diversity in our forms of devotion and commitment to God." 

- Abraham Joshua Heschel 

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